I’ve become very familiar with the landscape of central Illinois.
It’s not a lot to look at (if we’re being perfectly honest), yet we are required to drive through it several times a year to get to my hometown in Mid-Missouri. It’s a journey I’ve been making for 10+ years, so it’s nice that when Kyle and I started dating that he took over the reigns. He likes to drive and it turns out he somehow gets us there faster while still managing to keep under the speed limit (or so I’m told- I call it “magic” since that’s the only possible explanation I can come up with).
Now that the little dude is around and as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been fully relieved of my driving duties and have instead been promoted to Entertainment Director of the vehicle. As Entertainment Director, I have the following roles and responsibilities:
1. Maintain a sense of serenity within the vehicle. Outbursts of rage are expected to be contained to a minimum. This responsibility is in regard to both baby and husband/driver.
2. Be in charge of catering (snacks/road trip meals) to keep all energy and blood sugar at healthy levels. This also includes quickly pinpointing optimal fast food/rest stops along the way if one of the passengers starts to rage. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get service FIGURE IT OUT RIGHT NOW THE EXIT IS IN ONE MILE.
3. Primary diaper changer. This is by far the hardest of the tasks because my child is absolutely terrified of fold down changing tables in public bathrooms. An entire Arby’s heard pleas of “OPEN THE DOOR MAMA!” as soon as I pulled down the changing table and screams of terror during the entire diaper change and switch to pajamas.
4. Act as a subject matter expert to any and all requests by driver (i.e. Google any random thing that pops into his head. My search history is weird.).
5. Assist in retrieval of dropped toys and work hard to keep last resort of baby shark and other forms of media technology to a minimum.
6. Potentially serve as back up driver if driver has lost their ability to keep awareness levels at heightened levels (i.e. he’s really tired).
Again, if we’re being honest, this job is really really hard because that’s just what parenting is. Even if I don’t have to drive. Because it’s like a long 7.5 hour work day. And it usually occurs after having already worked at my actual job. But it’s what we will continue to do until teleportation becomes a viable option.
I hope you have all recovered from your Thanksgiving festivities and are looking forward to the start of the Christmas season.